jessiethejester

August 10th, 2006

11:05 pm

[Link]

Dude. For those of you who don't know, I have a friend at work who is a fabulous 40-50 year old drag queen named Tina Benez. Her best friend was gay bashed last night and is in the hospital awaiting surgery. This happened on Christopher street in Chelsea. (Again, for those of you who don't know, that is the gayest street in the gayest part of Manhattan.) New York fucking sucks.

August 3rd, 2006

11:15 pm

[Link]

So right now I am at home in Ithaca, having fled the powerless towering inferno of bad that is New York City, and am killing some time before I head off to a birthday party for a girl I met like once. At least it's in a bar where drinks cost much less than in the city. I can get twice as drunk. Woot! Course, given my current income, that means two beers instead of one... which, sadly enough, is enough to get me drunk. Whatev, makes me a cheap date. Although work wouldn't give me time off to get away, I am having fun with the day I have here. To try to raise my spirits a little, my mother cooked thanksgiving dinner, which picks me up any time of year. I think I love turkey more than any other vegetarian. I also got to see Lagasse who miraculously happened to have the day off, got to play Yahtzee with the G-ma, and am on my way to see my friend Jen at the bar. After which, my friend Kat might be kind enough to grace me with her presence. Either way, it's been a much better day that yesterday, wherein my store had no air conditioning, I had to work 10 hours, got yelled at by a manager for NO REASON (he apparently yelled at other people for no reason too...), AND to top it off, had a 4lb. block of frozen chili fall from above my head and directly onto my chuck adorned foot. Let's just say about Converse sneakers: They may be stylish, but impact resistant they are not. Julie thinks I probably broke some small bone in there, but at this point it's all too numb to tell. Hope to god that lasts.

August 2nd, 2006

12:19 am

[Link]

As we speak, or as I type, I am sitting in the middle of my living room floor (otherwise known as my roommate Lawry's bedroom), sweating bullets because today was one of the hottest days ever in New York ever. Seriously. The word on the street is "Ever". And of course we don't have an air conditioner. Cos we're hardFUCKINGcore environmentalists/masochists/if you want the truth, cheapskates. Lucky for me I like it hot. But any discomfort I may have (but will never admit to given my balls-to-the-wall declared love of the summer) is greatly reduced by the distraction of Kitty trying to eat my arm. Isn't she cute? Soft, fuzzy, and sharp.

So today was another day of Borders craziness. There is an aura of funk (and not the music) growing in the back room of the cafe at a very unsettling rate. Ana and I tried to sniff out the source, so to speak, and have started testing some hypotheses. So far no luck. The staff has voted that a small animal must have died somewhere. Now, I don't think this is true, but to tell you honestly, I don't say that with 100% certainty.

Also, because I am now single, Smiller is doing his damnedest to get into my pants. He really likes to tell me how sorry for me he is while touching my arm and stuff. The whole store knows he's on the prowl, and my newly found single-dom has, believe it or not, launched me into the top-tier of attractive single girls at Borders. Seriously, we're talking top 5. (We don't REALLY need to mention the calibre of the competition. It's the ranking that counts. I mean, right?) So the Smiller thing would be creepy and gross if Smiller was anyone other than Smiller. But because he's not, it's really just amusing. Ana had this to say about the Smiller thing, "Wouldn't it be really awful if you slept with Smiller out of desperation, and got pregnant?" Yes Ana, it would. In fact, so awful that perhaps the thought should not have been birthed into the world.

On a suckier note, today also featured Mark making me cry by yelling at me for not finishing the inventory which I didn't know was due yesterday given I had only done it once before, and it had only popped up in my email as a task to be completed a couple days ago (the day after Cori and I split to be exact). In conclusion, due to many factors, I did not get it done because I didn't know it was supposed to get done, and they weren't understanding at all. But I took the scolding pretty well. What actually made me cry was when Mark, in the Marky-Mark way that he does, did a complete 180 on the spot, put on his sad, sympathetic eyes and told me to be strong. I lost it and burst into tears. I ran out of his office and into the bathroom which, freakishly and atypically enough, was available. Thank Gawd. Shames me to say it, but this is not the first time Mark has made me cry.

On an amusing note, someone tried to pick me up today for the first time in my cafe history. Now, it is really common in a cafe setting for baristas to get picked up because, let's face it, baristas who know what they are doing are artists, and therefore unbelievably cool. I've seen people do this in various ways; writing their number, asking for a number, and even giving little presents or flowers. Mark Broderick is a Peach from my old store got a lot of this. Julie from my now store also gets a lot of this. I've had, in my time, a flirtatious rapport with many customers, but it never went further than that. But today, a chick totally gave me the "I'm new in town, and don't really know anybody yet... give me a call if you want to hang out." And she gave me her number. Alas, I was not ready, willing, or able. Plus, I generally assume that anyone interested in me must be a freak of nature, and therefore should be avoided. Naw, she seemed totally normal, but wrong place, wrong time.

Anyhoo, I somehow have to figure out how I'm going to fit into tomorrow opening at Borders, lunch with Zoe, getting the rent check to Ryan, and finding my way to Ithaca. I seriously don't know if it's humanly possible. I guess we'll see. If Batman can do it, so can I!

August 1st, 2006

05:20 am

[Link]

It's been almost a year since I wrote in live journal. Between then and now, life happened. I've always been an "experience first, chronicle later" kind of a girl by nature. So now I'm chronicling. But here's the thing about that. The last year of my life consisted pretty much solely of two things: Borders and Cori. And, well, let's just say that when you're working a shit job (as much like Empire Records as it may be), the days kinda blur together. So the byproduct of all of this is that it's a rather unavoidable fact that I'll be writing a lot about Cori, because most of my experiences have been with her. We broke up recently, so emo fans may have their hopes up, but they will be sadly disappointed. None of this will be mopey. It will hopefully be just what it was. I've been collecting the pieces of my scrapbook for long enough. Now I'm going to put them together.

Current Mood: nostalgic

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

July 30th, 2006

11:37 pm

[Link]

Last night, I went to the bronx for the first time. The trains are elevated there, and they have crazy roller coaster curves. Kristy met me at the station, and took me to her place. She cooked me dinner, gave me ice pops, and got me intoxicated, which was very much needed as I hadn't slept in 2 days. I was able to sleep deeply, if only in short spurts. I had the saddest, most beautiful dream in which I stared out a window at a pitch black winter night as sparkling raindrops fluttered in the wind as they fell. There were things I wanted to say, but nothing to be said. The night was silent and peaceful, but cold.

August 17th, 2005

05:03 pm

[Link]

Life is an adventure, I don't know if I'd say a GOOD adventure
So the saga of my efforts to move to New York continues. I was initially supposed to move to New York this past Sunday, but I wasn't able to get my shit together in time, so Will Fain came to visit me, but did not end up taking me back with him, although we did collect everything we need for our kitchen. After that, I was planning on moving to New York today (wednesday), but then my PARENTS weren't ready, Dad citing work stuff and Mom household chores like bills, etc. (How very 1950's of them). As Will and Corinne know, I spent almost all of yesterday really pissed off about them postponing me again, but it turns out it would have ended up the same way ANYWAY cos last night I got to spend some super fun happy time in the Hospital. YAAAAAY!!!

Basically, around 1am, Kat and Lagasse and I were chilling in the living room when my stomach started hurting really badly. The pain quickly spread to my chest and my back, and I couldn't really breathe. Lagasse and Kat spend a long time chilling with me as I was crying and screaming on the couch. Luckily, Lagasse has EMT training like woah, and kept taking my pulse and asking me questions and assuring me I wasn't dying. She and Kat laughed at me a lot, as I screamed things like "If I die, tell Corinne she's a skankbucket, because it's so cliché to tell someone you love them when you're dying... but tell her I meant it in a loving way".

Eventually Lagasse had to go home, and Kat needed to sleep, so I spent the next couple of hours on my own vomiting and dry heaving and stuff (oh, what fun...). Finally, a little after 4am, I woke my parents up cos things weren't getting any better post-vomiting, actually, my stomach just hurt more. We decided to take me to the hospital (the good one in Elmira that doesn't kill people, like the one in Ithaca does...) So after a very painful 45 minute trip, we made it to the emergency room where things don't move all as quickly as you might expect them to. There were lots of questions and blood removal and even a super fun AND super painful rectal exam. FINALLY, I was given morphine for the pain, after being there for about an hour (they didn't want to give it before the poking and prodding cos they had to know why things hurt/where).

The final verdict was not heart attack, or gall badder infection, or even an ulcer. For some reason, the x-rays showed, my body had apparently been spending its time not so much with the digestion of food, and so my intestines are kinda fucked up/blocked in various places. Thus, I have been prescribed heavy duty pain killers, and today has been spent thus far on the forced cleansing of my system which... let's just say I DON'T recommend it, kids.

My mother is all freaked out by the whole thing, and wants me to wait ANOTHER day to move, but I just don't see that in the cards. I have to get the HELL out of here. I should have been a resident of NYC 4 days ago, and don't want to wait one more day.

Well, that's the most recent excitement. I'll keep you guys updated... maybe.

July 29th, 2005

10:14 pm

[Link]

I can't think of a song for this goddamn it
Um, I got a TATTOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! For reals. Not kidding at all. I am no longer a wimp. WHEEEEEE!!!!!

July 19th, 2005

05:10 pm

[Link]

Happy Together (The Turtles)
Hey all you beautiful people out there in Radio World:

It has been quite some time since my last transmission, but I am back to save the universe, and this time am here to stay. I have, of late, received numerous heart felt complaints from my admittedly small fan base about the lack of updates. But I assure you, the dearth of postings has come to an end. Also, to make up for it I promise (especially to those who didn't really care whether or not I posted in the first place) to be an extra 10% funny.

Alas, I am afraid that this posting will be basically a teaser as I have to go cook dinner now which I suppose is pretty much 0% funny, but great things will come. Oh yes, they will. Next entry will include such action packed subjects as:

*Being gay at a wedding in Virginia
*Bailing someone out of jail at 4am in the middle of a hurricane
*Various exploits in NYC
*How My Girlfriend and I Spent 15 Days Straight In Each Other's Presence Some of Which With PMS and Managed Not To Kill Each Other Even A Little Bit
*the first episode of "The Ballad of Spanky the Space Cowboy", a weekly serial to appear in my live journal, well, weekly. AND.....
*The justification for this entry's subject line

Current Mood: Warm. VERY warm.
Current Music: !!!

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

June 5th, 2005

12:15 am

[Link]

Insanity a.k.a. "It's Saturday" (Jack in the Box)
In soccer, our coaches (at least the non-crappy ones) told us that if you are running to the ball from one side, and someone is coming from the other side and the two of you are going to collide (collision being like a BIG part of the game, at least for MY team), whoever goes in harder is fine, and the other person gets hurt. So if you're scared you're going to get hurt, you usually do. But if you go in fearless, you usually come out fine. I always just sort of charged in there trying to tell myself I believed that and hoping for the best, and most of the time everything turned out pretty well (for those of you who know my team's track record, by pretty well I mean for ME... i.e. no injury, and capturing the ball more often than not. Things turning out well for the TEAM, well, that's another story...). I had a brief moment about like 15 minutes ago where I had a dim thought that perhaps I ought to apply this to other areas of my life and my current situation, etc. But that would be like a cheesy Lifetime movie or something, and although Kristy Lilas once told me that I seemed like a character on one of those (she meant it as a compliment somehow), I'd rather not. So I've decided to refuse to learn from or be inspired by my life experiences. HA! No, just messing. I am making a real effort here to be optimistic, take control, etc., etc., while still remaining cool, aloof, and detached. I applied to get my old job back, gave them thurs-sun availability. This way, I can make some money before moving, see old friends, have a routine, and secure the funds and schedule for definite regular trips to the city. And I'll get pay stubs and have current (or recent) employment when I apply to other jobs. Plus, I may be able to transfer to one of the many Borders stores in the city. I dunno, maybe it's a stupid call, but it made sense at the time. I have to do something with my life. Going to NYC tomorrow though, and that certainly is exciting if nothing else.

June 4th, 2005

03:10 am

[Link]

Strange Days (It depends on who you ask...)
I am in a weird limbo state, an in between all things. I am somewhat like a deer in headlights. I have, however, made a definite decision to move in with Will Fain sometime in August, with a lease starting in September. In the meantime... to work at Borders or not? A decision that has to be made ASAP, really. Ugh. Maybe by tomorrow...

May 30th, 2005

02:07 am

[Link]

Passenger (Iggy Pop)
The last few days found me travelling. A LOT. I went to NYC, a 5 hour trip on thurs and rode those 5 hours back on sun. I hung out with Corinne, WillFain, and Brendan, and the whole time was really hip except for the fact that SpainFain and I tried TWICE to see the Basquiat exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum only to be rejected both times. Poo I say, poo! I also did a fair bit of subway riding by myself-- a major accomplishment for me, but I am now confident that it is something I can get used to, and every day moving to the city seems a more and more realistic endeavor. I had a really really REALLY great time, and look forward to my return in a week or so. If you are going to be in the city around then, have your people call my people and perhaps we can do lunch.

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: Um, Iggy Pop.

May 24th, 2005

08:32 pm

[Link]

Crazy Life (Toad the Wet Sprocket)
My life is currently in the process of changing as extremely and rapidly as it did during, well, birth. And that was quite the time. Things then changed very much and very quickly. I was born (as some of you surely must have been forced to hear about before) a month and a half early. My mom was in labor for like 15 minutes, and none of the doctors believed she was actually in labor. So none of them were ready in time. Some of them didn't even have their gloves on. So the current situation is like that. Things are messy and changing fast. Two days ago I gradumicated from college, something I never thought possible. Yesterday I moved home. Last night I slept for 12 hours, and today I am trying to figure out what to do with the next few weeks. I am moving to NYC officially in the beginning of August, but am looking for a job I can start before hand. I am also considering getting a weekend job in Ithaca so I can spend a lot of time during the week(s) in NY visiting people and doing interviews... then again, Corinne thinks maybe her housemate can get me a job in a cafe which would mean I could move earlier, that is if she and her house could stand to see my annoying ass on a regular basis (which would certainly make ME very happy...). The New York thing really scares me, but as the Shniggster said before (well, only reversed), as long as she's in that Real World picture somewhere, I think it'll all be okay.

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

May 18th, 2005

03:10 am

[Link]

Holy Shit (Mindless Self Indulgence)
I CANNOT NOT NOT NOT NOT believe how soon I am gradumicating. Wow. I knew this day would come, and I knew it would come this quickly, because unlike Corinne sometimes asserts, time is NOT slow. But speaking of time...Fun Time With Jesse Kalin is about to commence. Tomorrow is day of Liquid Sky. Ahhhh.... Liquid sky. I thought the day would never come. But here it is. *tear* Good GAWD I love that movie way too much. Thursday may be another trip to the city day, but I have to call my therapist and ask if we can reschedule or do a phone session or something. We'll see if I get around to that. I should be leaving her a message right now instead of writing this, but no. I'm not. And there you have it. Story of my life.

Current Mood: ambivalent

May 16th, 2005

03:25 pm

[Link]

All I Need (Air)
ALL I NEED is to finish this GODDAMN essay! I know it's a little late in the school year for most of you lj users to be interested in finals-related panic, but so it goes. I am writing about punk women and their role in a male dominated subculture, and I totally know what I want to say about this, and am tired and grumpy and otherwise unmotivated to do so, and yet there are a million people threatening my life if I don't get it done and you would think that would be motivation. Alright, enough about that. I can sense you are bored, so on to other matters. Hm. I guess at this point there really aren't that many other matters, except that I am silently starting to realize that gradumication is rapidly approaching, and that the summer and fall are going to be enormously different from my life right now, and am seriously wondering how that will go. But now is not the time or place. Time to deviate my subculture.

May 13th, 2005

02:17 am

[Link]

The Horror (Spacehog)
Feeling too tired and disenchanted to get my ass outside to steal this wonderful, amazing, astounding, and stupendous PINK wet paint sign from the library door. Life. Don't even talk to me about life.

Current Mood: listless
Current Music: Modest Mouse but it's not my fault. Curse you partyshuffle!

12:45 am

[Link]

Under Pressure (David Bowie)
"eeeeeeeek, pressure!" -Tweak

"You see Igby, I feel this great pressure pushing down on me..." -Bill Pullman (that's right... it doesn't matter who he's playing, he's still just Bill Pullman.)

"Help me, help me, OH GOD!" -Mark

"Fuck-a-doodle-doo" -Hugh Grant (see Bill Pullman)

"You see what happens Larry? Do you SEE what happens when you FUCK a stranger in the ass?" -Walter

So yeah. I'm feeling a little stressed about work today, and yes, I did just spend more time than I am proud of thinking of quotes that describe my current state. Went to NYC for 23 hours, made it back at 2:30 this afternoon, took a nap, and woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and have been dragging myself around all day. Got in a fight with a good friend, and think there may actually be irreparable damage to the friendship. Contemplating whether or not I give a shit. Started freaking out a bit about post-gradumication, though I really want to be there. I am waiting to hear if I get that really cool PAID summer gig teaching film to "gifted" high school students at NorthWestern. Can't wait to move to the City. Have miraculously developed quite a taste for it... much to my surprise. Must have undergone some dramatic personality shift of which I was completely unaware that has now allowed me to feel chill in the city.

Saw Weezer last night with SpainFain and Corinne. They played well, and we DID manage to wiggle our way right to the front. And center. FRONT AND CENTER. We were like THIS close to Rivers. Seriously. It was the closest Will Fain and I have ever been, and are likely ever to be to Rivers. The crowd sucked a little though. They dissed the opening band like woah, and were generally assholes during the show (like, why did that guy feel the undying NEED to brace his elbow on my or WillFain's neck for the ENTIRE show?). Another sad thing... you know how at concerts when there are ballads, how people used to hold up their lighters and sway? Now they hold cell phones. I shit you not. I wanted to die. It was really out of control.... In like 20 years I am SO going to be an uptight anti-technoprogress conservative asshole. But really.... KIDS THESE DAYS...

Perhaps as entertaining as the Weezer concert was our bizarre meal-ish afterwards in this weird diner-ish with singing and dancing waitstaff. Our waiter was really good... he was gay, jewish, into habitat for humanity (I'm telling y'all... strong correlation there, the gay kids LOVE habitat), and had an AMAZING voice, was very versatile, etc. He was both fun and funny. WillFain was briefly serenaded by one of the girl singers and he was thinking the whole time "I smell so bad, I'm covered in 3,000 people's sweat." Which is true. He, and we, were soaking wet, like shower wet, but sweat. It was really yucky.

A few short hours after the concert, woke up at 7:45AM to provide support for Corinne as she chugged more of that detox shit for her drug test. (If that isn't dedication, I don't know WHAT is... esp. if you KNOW me...) This time it was tropical something or other, as opposed to the previous groovy grape. I didn't tell her at the time, cos I didn't want to jinx it, but from the smell and look of it, I would have projectile vomited that shit all over like 30 seconds after drinking it. She managed to keep it down. I was secretly very impressed.

Now I am thinking about how I have to write about Nietzsche, and how I am going to write about his greatest stress thingie with the demon and the life lived over again (which I wrote about prevously on lj), and I am realizing that this anecdote is not, in fact, the greatest stress. The greatest stress is WRITING about the greatest stress. So much for my high regard of the Nietzschean method.

May 5th, 2005

12:08 am

[Link]

Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying (Belle and Sebastian)
DUDE. The title explains all I think. I hate writing essays of death... FOR Death. I hate death, I think I hate the CLASS more than the thought of the actual thing... which is probably good cos strange things are happening to me that I DO NOT like, and I am scared that I have some incurable disorder or something. It involves shaking and is in my top 3 fears... some of you can probably guess what it is. I will definitely post if I am dying. Though not if I am dead. Because, well, I'll be dead, and what do you want from me for Christ's sake? I'll be on a permanant vacation so FUCK ALL OF YOU. Right in the EAR. But about the getting away from here... I am going to the City tomorrow with Corinne to help her move, which will be AWESOME as I cannot wait to see the apt. and Kiki and Amos, and the other roommate who, for now, I only know as "the other roommate". All that aside, I am sure the car ride will be entertaining enough to make the trip worth it. Also, I've got exciting plans to hook up with WillFain for dinner and fun. WillFain and fun are a delightfully inevitable combination. Yes. This is all true. And EXCITING. So tomorrow = fun time with Corinne and WillFain, quite possibly two of the greatest people of all time (as are the rest of you if you give a shit enough to still be reading this). Alright. Back to Death. Peace out, yo.

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

May 3rd, 2005

02:23 pm

[Link]

Hip to be a Square (Huey Lewis and the News)
Actually, a cube. See, I recently developed this theory that everybody has 6 sides of their personality, depending on which medium they are communicating through. Like, everyone has their 1 on 1 personality, their group personality, email personality, IM personality, written letter personality, phone personality. I'm not sure what to do about Live Journal. Maybe it's a seventh side. I dunno. OHHH!!! I think I just figured it out. It is the plural form of email, which I guess is similar to the 1 on 1 vs. group real life interactions... Then again, Zoe brought up that everyone has DIFFERENT 1 on 1 personalities when they are hanging out with different people... which is true. Also, what about actual hand written journals, typed journals (personal), live journal (public)? The point here is, I think this is all actually true, even if the details are a bit dodgy at this point. One could say that modern communication technology has led to a fragmentation of the self... which post-modernism agrees with (ambivalent shudder at the PoMo comment...). Maybe that's true, but I think that it just allows people to express more aspects of themselves than they would be able to in, say, a strictly real life situation. Then again... one could (quite strongly in fact) argue that people in general are having an increasingly difficult time ACTUALLY interacting with each other... (people talk on cell phones or IM instead of hanging out in the flesh, and the random "happy running into and spontaneous chilling" is certainly on the decline. It still rocks my socks off when it happens, but the joy of unexpectedly running into a friend in the late 80's/early 90's was like the best feeling EVER). And isn't hanging out in person what life is really about? Isolation is certainly scary and bad on an extended timeline. And what about spontaneity? In high school I was taken with saying "the best way to make sure something absolutely, positively does NOT happen is to plan for it". People who plan everything in their lives, while incredibly organized and often efficient and successful (many of whom I respect, admire, and envy) tend to really flip their shit when something doesn't go according to plan. And as much as we try, life refuses to follow our plans with a fair degree of regularity. Thus, people are like buildings on a fault line. When an earthquake strikes, the rigid ones collapse, but the ones they built with that weird flexible shit stay standing (I REALLY don't know how that works, but it does. I've seen video clips). The moral of the story kids: Don't be brittle. Add a little spontaneity, and in the words of Serial Killer who was TOTALLY quoting someone else "I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do". Hmm... I guess I'm still on about the Nietzschean Method....

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

01:40 pm

[Link]

Butterfly (Weezer!)
Butterflies + stomach + CDF = A great start to the day.